1 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,597 What's the damage? 2 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:37,031 Contusions on the chest and arms. 3 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,396 Slight bruising on the lower abdomen. 4 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,792 Otherwise, there's not a mark. 5 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,951 Splendid. 6 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,275 - Hi. - Morning, Ruth. 7 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,431 Hey, stop! Turn round. 8 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,277 You're overweight. 9 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,398 So' what's new? 10 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,397 Haw would you like to start fighting the flab? 11 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:26,071 So long as it doesn't involve any exercise or cutting down on any of my food. 12 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:29,232 AH it involves is a large dose of masochism. 13 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:30,554 Listen to this. 14 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:31,994 "Dear Gwen, 15 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,798 I've just completed a ten-week course 16 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,918 with a new weight-reducing organisation called Think Thin. 17 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:39,112 Physically, it was a success. 18 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,549 I lost nearly a stone and a half, but at what a price! 19 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:44,712 The technique they use destroys all your self-confidence, 20 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:47,957 and I'm sure it could turn someone with a mental 21 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,038 or psychological problem into a nervous wreck. 22 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,312 Why don't you get one of your reporters to take {he course? 23 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,676 It'd make an interesting article, 24 00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:58,996 and you'd be doing a public service." 25 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,230 - Well'? - Oh, great! 26 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,510 The assignment of the year! 27 00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:06,230 And what made you think of little old me? 28 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,995 Not so little. That's why I'm offering you a worid exclusive. 29 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,316 Why don't you get one of the fellas to go? 30 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,198 They're more overweight than I am. 31 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:20,711 This is the Women's Page, lovey, and our readers are not interested in overweight men. 32 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:24,879 They're interested in themselves, and new ways of keeping slim, young and beautiful. 33 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:29,397 Well' I don't knew why we have a Women's Page. We don't have a men's page. 34 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,034 How are we going to get rid of sexism in this country 35 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:35,431 if even Fleet Street think that women are self-centred morons 36 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:36,749 with no minds of their own? 37 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:41,596 Ours not to reason why, ours just to increase the female readership of the paper. 38 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,435 Yes, well, I'd like to write about the real worid for a change. You know, 39 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:49,713 the real heartaches, the shocks that flesh is heir to. 40 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:54,914 Oh' it's just that I'm fed up with fashion shows and potted plants and perfect kitchens. 41 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,395 Ruth! 42 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,718 You can't go walking about with Epping Forest on your shoulder. 43 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:04,594 If you want to be independent, then resign and write a bestseller. 44 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:11,196 Well' do you have any background stuff on this place? 45 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:14,756 Not much. It's based at the Chesterton Clinic. 46 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:18,077 So presumably it's funded by the same foundation. 47 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,197 Chesterton... Do you know who runs it? 48 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,117 A man called Willis. 49 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,634 Willis. 50 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,439 Used to be a PE teacher at a south London comprehensive. 51 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:30,036 Six months after he resigned, he emerged as the director of Think Thin. 52 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,113 How long do I have to stick with this? 53 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,873 As long as you can. I suggest 54 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:39,396 you do some short interim reports and we'll do a big spread when you're finished. 55 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,193 - All right? - OK. 56 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:43,678 Oh' and, Ruth? 57 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:47,031 Get Roland to get a shot of you each week so the readers can follow your progress. 58 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:52,115 Progress? Why do you skeletons assume that cutting everybody down to your size 59 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,793 is progress? 60 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:57,589 I'm with Caesar. "Let me have men that are tat." 61 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,591 Just taken a call. 62 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,671 There's another big one coming in soon. 63 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,029 Clean bill of health? 64 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,758 Of course. 65 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,029 How old? 66 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,077 Late 20s. 67 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:28,790 Shame. Those whom the gods love, eh? 68 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,439 Shh. Door. 69 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:17,874 Look at her, everybody. 70 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,678 Isn't she fat'? 71 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,354 Isn't she ugly? Isn't she repulsive? 72 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:26,115 You ought to be ashamed to be seen in public, Joyce. 73 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:29,511 You should bury yourself up to the neck in sand. 74 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,074 Look! You weren't always like that. 75 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:35,391 A slim young girl without an ounce of surplus fat. 76 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:40,192 You put on all that weight through sheer sew-indulgence. 77 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:43,193 Do you like looking so unattractive' Joyce? 78 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:47,273 Do you enjoy making men turn away in disgust? 79 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:48,435 No. 80 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:50,397 Then what makes you so greedy? 81 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:53,911 What makes you stuff your face with starchy foods all day? 82 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:55,752 I don't know. 83 00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:57,793 Boredom, I suppose. 84 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,998 Boredom?! What have you got to be bored about, Joyce? 85 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,439 You say you love your husband, 86 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:04,272 you love your children. 87 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,399 Yes' but... they're always away. 88 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:08,794 I'm lonely! 89 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,235 Well' do something about it, you stupid cow! 90 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:12,759 Mm 91 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,838 Start jogging! Stan a creche, a political party. 92 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,957 Anything' to take your mind 93 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,832 off your guts! 94 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,070 Have you looked in the mirror lately? 95 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,912 Yeah. That is why your husband 96 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,310 stays out late at the office. 97 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:30,189 Putting off the moment when he's got to come back to a quivering mountain of fat! 98 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:40,712 It's all right, Joyce. It's all right. 99 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,559 Here. I think you've got the message. Off you go. 100 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:49,792 Right. 101 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,957 Ben, stand up and be counted. 102 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,551 Well' what do you think, folks? 103 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,950 A slight improvement. 104 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,391 I think I can see an image of the slim inner-male there. 105 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:09,999 How much have you lost, Ben'? 106 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:14,558 I haven't. Matter of fact, I've gained a couple of pounds. 107 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,598 Well, doesn't show. You're thinking thin. 108 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,717 Now, that's important. 109 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,114 Congratulations, Ben. 110 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:26,675 Right, 111 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:30,719 we've got a first-time fatty with us tonight. If you'd like to come forward, Ruth. 112 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,591 Have you got that photograph? 113 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,831 Yes. As I thought. 114 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,389 Nothing congenital about your condition, 115 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,591 is there? 116 00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:49,433 Well you're going lo have to pull yourself together. 117 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,033 Stan counting the calories. 118 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:52,349 Because if you don'; 119 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,273 you will be as big as a house by the time you're 40. 120 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,031 One more, please. 121 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:10,318 What is this?! Are you stoking a blow for fatties' lib? 122 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,710 - Willie's orders. - You're joking? 123 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:17,072 It's true. He told me after the class to have a big blowout tonight. 124 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,310 That's carrying the snobbery a bit far. 125 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:21,997 He says I'm a special case. 126 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:25,431 I've been on a protein and citrus fruit diet for two weeks now, 127 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,636 and I've hardly lost any weight at all. 128 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,677 So Willis suggested I take in some extra fat 129 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,876 to give the citrus juice something to work on. 130 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:35,953 Oh, and he's given me a pill to take afterwards. To speed up my metabolism. 131 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,957 Sounds crazy to me. 132 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,877 But then half these diets are so far out, 133 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,873 they sound as if they were thought up on April Fools' Day. 134 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,792 You know, some freak wrote to us and said that she'd 135 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:48,196 lost two stone on potatoes and ice cream! 136 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:51,318 - Do you get many freak letters at the paper? - Mm. Sackfuls. 137 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,118 Mainly about sex. 138 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:57,273 Today is the age of anxiety, with just about everyone feeling inadequate. 139 00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:58,953 YES. 140 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,593 And I'm no exception. 141 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,396 Why? Because your marriage failed? 142 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,509 Partly. 143 00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,751 And partly because I seem to bore people. 144 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:12,555 I'm expecting your eyes to glaze over long before we come to the coffee. 145 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,278 Do you want me to wear dark glasses? 146 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,112 Wouldn't do any good. 147 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,840 I'd be imagining the boredom even if it wasn't there. 148 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,200 You're something in the City, right? 149 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:36,878 I'm a merchant banker. 150 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,553 Have I struck gold? 151 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:42,190 - How about a loan? - Certainly- There's just one proviso. 152 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:43,753 What's that? 153 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,632 It'd have to be at least half a million, 154 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,360 otherwise it's not worth the paperwork. 155 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:52,229 And I thought the country was supposed to be on its uppers. 156 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,791 - Tell me something, Ruth. - Mm? 157 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:59,794 Is your um... coast clear, 158 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:01,234 men-wise? 159 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,432 My coast is so dear, you can see right down to the sea bed, 160 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:09,557 and there's only a couple of wrecks down there. 161 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,359 Good. 162 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,555 And how about your coast? 163 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:15,755 Woman-wise? 164 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,436 Hasn't been a vessel in sight for over a year. 165 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,231 Sounds idyllic. 166 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,911 I just love uninhabited islands. 167 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:46,998 Thanks, Ruth. 168 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,599 What for'? 169 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,557 Not glazing over. 170 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,358 Don't knock yourself. 171 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,590 You're more special than you think. 172 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,115 I'll walk you to your car. 173 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,110 I hope Willis knows what he's doing. 174 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,635 I feel absolutely bloated. 175 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,677 Do you know what he asked me at my interview? 176 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,354 He asked whether I'd ever suffered from food poisoning. 177 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,875 Yes' he asked me that, too. 178 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,190 - It was rather odd, I thought. - Mm. 179 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,676 Perhaps it's dangerous for somebody who's suffered from salmonella. 180 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,239 Might bring it on again or something. 181 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,510 Perhaps. 182 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,310 Well... 183 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:33,040 Well. 184 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,553 Well, that wasn't boring at all. 185 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,240 May I phone you? 186 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:55,194 Give me your hand. 187 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:07,873 What's that? 188 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:09,918 My phone number. 189 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,677 Bye. 190 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,950 Aargh! 191 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,235 Hello? 192 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,237 - Miss Cairns? - Speaking. 193 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,351 This is the Hertfordshire police, miss. 194 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:57,000 Are you acquainted with a Mr Ben Faraday? 195 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,839 Yes, I am. Why'? ls something the matter? 196 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,638 I'm afraid Mr Faraday has had an accident. 197 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,758 He drove off the road last night and crashed into a tree. 198 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,189 Crashed?! Well, is he badly hurl'? 199 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,959 He's dead, miss. He must have died instantly. 200 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:13,953 Oh... 201 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,798 How did you get my number? 202 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:18,314 It was written on his hand. 203 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,438 Do you know where we can get in touch with his next of kin? 204 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,352 No. 205 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:26,511 No, I'm sorry, I don't. 206 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,312 - Excuse me. Are you a reporter? - Yes. 207 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:24,720 Could I have a word with you? 208 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:26,353 What about? 209 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,436 Er, I don't mean here. Later. Somewhere private. 210 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:34,592 Now, listen, Andrew, before you say another word, 211 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,035 I write for the Women's Page 212 00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:41,591 and, frankly, stories about funeral directors don't make ladies' hearts go pitapat. 213 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,115 It doesn't matter. I've just got to talk to somebody. 214 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,998 OK. 215 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,670 That man who died... was he a friend or a relation? 216 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:51,555 Amend. 217 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,514 Was he big? 218 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:55,954 On the plump side? 219 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:59,197 Well, you handled his funeral. You must have seen him. 220 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,038 No. They wouldn't let me. 221 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:02,758 Who wouldn't'? 222 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,029 The bosses. 223 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:07,078 - Mr Basil and Mr Cedric. - Why not? 224 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:12,511 They just said they wanted to dress this particular corpse themselves. 225 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,551 But that is usually your job? 226 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:15,914 One of them, yes. 227 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,833 There used to be another man but he retired. Now there's rust me. 228 00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:22,350 No, wait a minute' Let me get this straight. 229 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,955 - You say you didn't see the body. - No. 230 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,150 How did you know that he was on the plump side? 231 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,993 Sorry. I heard them talking. 232 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:36,715 Mr Cedric told Mr Basil that there was another big one coming in-. 233 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,990 - Another big one? - Yes. 234 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,077 That started me thinking. 235 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:44,232 You see, the same thing happened about... six months ago. 236 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,954 There was a body they wouldn't let you see? 237 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,355 Yes. Only that time I did see it. 238 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:52,159 - I sneaked into refrigeration while they were out. - Why? 239 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:54,070 I don't know. 240 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,549 I suppose I thought it might be somebody famous. 241 00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,280 - Somebody who wasn't supposed to be dead. - And was it'? 242 00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:03,513 No. But he was fat. And it looked as if he'd been in a ca! accident. 243 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,789 So... two fat men are killed on the road in six months. 244 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,679 I don't see that it's anything to get so screwed up about. 245 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,036 OK, OK, listen. 246 00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,589 Do you know why we handled your friend's funeral? 247 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:20,674 Because Mr Cedric just happened to be driving along the same road after he crashed. 248 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:24,549 And the other man... It was Mr Basil who found the body after his crash. 249 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,433 Coincidence- It must be. 250 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,796 No. I think there's something funny going on. 251 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,631 You think they're trying to increase their turnover 252 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,631 by faking accidents? 253 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,951 Look, if that's what you suspect, why don't you go to the police? 254 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,957 I've no proof. 255 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,913 Anyway, they'd think I was a nutter. Just like you do. 256 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,954 No, Andrew, I don't think that. 257 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,037 It's just I don't know how I can help. 258 00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:54,952 You can be a witness. 259 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,354 Witness? 260 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,397 That coffin's not been buried' you know. 261 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,319 It's been taken lo a family vault about two miles away. 262 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,392 I plan to break in tonight and open it. 263 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,750 You can tell me if it's your friend. 264 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,313 You mean you think it won't be? 265 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,232 I'm not sure. 266 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:14,319 All I know is I won't be able to rest until I know that everything's OK. 267 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,517 You realise you'd be committing a crime? 268 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,597 Of course. I know the law. 269 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,239 And that Pd be an accessory? 270 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:30,714 Please yourself. 271 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,398 I'll do it on my own if I have to. 272 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,520 I'll bring some garlic. Dracula might try 273 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:38,631 and turn us into the undead. 274 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,557 Come on! 275 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:40,920 Shh. 276 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:41,990 What? 277 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,832 I thought I heard someone. 278 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,194 Outside. 279 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,352 Maybe it's Dracula. 280 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,795 That doesn't sound so funny in here. 281 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,111 Why is he bandaged up like that? 282 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:20,670 Search me. We usually dress them in their best clothes. 283 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,079 What are you doing? 284 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:24,719 We came here to make a check, didn't we? 285 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,273 No, Andrew, please! 286 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:27,989 It's only a body. 287 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,799 Your mate's got no further use for it. I don't think he'd care. 288 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,753 I care! It's desecration! 289 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:35,831 If you don't fancy it, don't look. 290 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,037 How are you going to get in? 291 00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:38,872 Oh' I've got a set of keys. 292 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:43,032 I had some duplicates made when I started to get suspicious. 293 00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:45,350 - You'll want to wait here, yeah? - No! 294 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:46,760 No, no, I'M come with you. 295 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,553 Are you sure? Some people, they can't take it in there. 296 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:51,711 No, I'm sure may cam. 297 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,037 Shh. 298 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:26,834 Oh... 299 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:41,712 OK, so now we can go to the police. 300 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:44,273 What are we going to tell them? 301 00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:48,240 That the governor's been mutilating corpses. It's a very serious of fence. 302 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,955 So is breaking into private vaults and opening coffins. 303 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,832 We'll only get ourselves into trouble. 304 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:56,797 - Yeah. - Besides, 305 00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:00,111 it may be my chance to get off the Women's Page. 306 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,636 Show that Big White Chief exactly what I can do. 307 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,280 What, play detective, do you mean? 308 00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:07,714 Mm. 309 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,513 If we can discover what they're up to, 310 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,790 loan give that paper a real exclusive. 311 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,436 I know where we can start. 312 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:22,995 Where? 313 00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:24,758 That other time, six months ago. 314 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:29,033 The following morning, I saw Mr Cedric and Mr Basil loading a coffin onto a hearse. 315 00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:32,431 - What does that prove? - That's usually the pallbearers' job. 316 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,830 They'd nothing on that day. I checked the diary. 317 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,550 Maybe the coffin was empty or they were going to fetch a corpse. 318 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:39,675 No. 319 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:43,839 From the way they were struggling, there was obviously something inside the coffin. 320 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:45,958 Maybe it was a private funeral. 321 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,877 Too private to be in the diaries. 322 00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,712 I checked the limousines as well. 323 00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:51,433 They were all in the garage. 324 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,239 Have you ever heard of a funeral with no cars for mourners? 325 00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:58,636 You think the same thing may happen tomorrow? 326 00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,672 If you were to park outside our yard, you'd find out, wouldn't you'? 327 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,840 - Are you looking for me, Miss Cairns? - No. 328 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:47,194 Er, yes. 329 00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,595 - Yes, I wanted a word with you. - What about? 330 00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:54,197 - I hope you're not going to give up your classes. - I don't know yet. 331 00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:56,277 Is there somewhere we could talk? 332 00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:15,793 - Well? - Listen... I may be being stupid, but... 333 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:17,513 What? 334 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,117 Ben Faraday... 335 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:21,151 YES. 336 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,796 Why did you encourage him to go on stuffing himself with food? 337 00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:28,555 - Well, it's part of his prescribed treatment. - Well, who prescribed it? You? 338 00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:30,995 - The doctors. - And the pill that you gave him? 339 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,640 To speed up his metabolism, I believe you told him. 340 00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:35,040 Well' that's what they told me. 341 00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:37,151 I'm afraid I'm no scientist, Miss Cairns. 342 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:39,631 I couldn't tell you what was in the pill or how it worked. 343 00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,110 Even ii I could, I don't know that I should tell you. 344 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:45,989 I'm really sorry about Ben, but these secrets belong to the clinic. 345 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:47,514 The clinic pays my wages. 346 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:49,597 I'm just a PE instructor. 347 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:03,074 It's perfectly in order. The usual amount. 348 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,629 - The usual amount. - Thank you. 349 00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:08,519 Another satisfactory transaction. on both sides. 350 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:13,349 I'll be in touch when we need further... supplies. 351 00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:17,035 We may be forced to increase our prices, Mr Rothwell, 352 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,919 if the frequency goes on increasing. 353 00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:22,630 Oh? 354 00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,318 Cost of living. 355 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:27,277 You understand. 356 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,795 In a manner of speaking, sir. 357 00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:31,439 And the risks involved. 358 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:34,677 Very well. 359 00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:36,398 Shall we say an extra five percent? 360 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,958 Of course, if we knew the exact purpose you require them for... 361 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,509 Ten percent. 362 00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:48,877 Thank you, Mr Rothwell. 363 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,759 As long as you're satisfied with the service we provide. 364 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:53,751 Thank you. We have no complaints. 365 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,592 I shall be in touch. 366 00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,079 Good. Good. 367 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:07,953 Goodbye, Mr Rothwell. 368 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,077 Until the next time. 369 00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:20,350 Rothwell. 370 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:21,999 We may have a problem. 371 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:25,277 "Since the series of successful heart transplant operations, 372 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:28,239 which first brought the Chesterton into the public eye, 373 00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,357 a team of surgeons and technicians 374 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,239 has been conducting experiments into the replacement 375 00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:34,754 of damaged limbs. 376 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:36,757 And a spokesman announced recently 377 00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:41,874 that he believed it would not be long before the Bionic Man became a reality." 378 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,350 Limb transplants. 379 00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:46,033 So' Doctor, what do you think? 380 00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:49,829 20th-century body snatchers. Shades of Burke and Hare? 381 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,513 I'm sure Andrew's right. 382 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,160 There is something funny going on. 383 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:02,753 I would like to follow it up. 384 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:05,553 But it isn't our territory. 385 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:07,199 Even if you do come up with a story, 386 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,754 the Big White Chief will probably take it away from you. 387 00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:11,876 Well' I shall resign. 388 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:13,951 And I shall write the bestseller. 389 00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:17,749 OK. 390 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:21,998 - I think you deserve a shot at it. - Thank you. 391 00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,270 Doctor, I shall need a referral letter. 392 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:26,397 Oh' yes. Um... 393 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:30,393 Intermittent claudication of the left leg. 394 00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:32,954 - Huh? - That's your trouble. 395 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,077 Oh. 396 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:40,636 The condition has been deteriorating considerably during the last six months. 397 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:42,836 I shall recommend a vein transplant. 398 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:56,034 Chesterton Clinic? No, never heard of it. 399 00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:58,555 Are you sure? Was there nothing in the diaries? 400 00:33:58,640 --> 00:33:59,914 No, I'm quite sure. 401 00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,674 Well, there obviously is a connection. 402 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,274 It looks to me as if the Chesterton Trust has come to 403 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:08,591 some kind of secret deal with your bosses. 404 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:12,078 What, to supply them with arms and legs, do you mean? 405 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:13,716 Mmm. 406 00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:15,797 M's quite creepy. 407 00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:21,149 It's a nasty racket. I think it ought to be exposed. 408 00:34:21,240 --> 00:34:24,232 You plan to suss it out, then, this... this clinic? 409 00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:27,233 Mm. I'm going to try and get myself admitted as a patient. 410 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:30,870 If I discover any concrete evidence, Pm not going to hang around there. 411 00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,315 I'll check myself out and I'll come and find you, 412 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:35,391 and then we can go to the police together. 413 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:36,999 OK? 414 00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:41,597 OK. I've got three jobs on tomorrow, so I'll be working late tonight. 415 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:45,514 I should be here till about... 11 o'clock, ii you need me. 416 00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,589 Right. 417 00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:00,073 By the way, I'd be careful if I were you. If they fixed those accidents, 418 00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,390 they wouldn't think twice about fixing yours. 419 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:07,110 Well, if they do, Andrew, I expect you to give me a royal sendoff. 420 00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:23,358 How old are you, Miss Cairns? 421 00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:26,239 - I'm 29. - How far can you walk without pain? 422 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,237 Er... not very far. 423 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:32,915 By the time I get home in the evenings, the leg is throbbing away like mad. 424 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:38,632 Your doctor thinks a... a vein transplant might be appropriate. 425 00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:40,279 Did he explain what that involves? 426 00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:45,036 I believe it means replacing the defective artery 427 00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:46,872 with a vein from the other leg. 428 00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:48,280 That's right. 429 00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:51,398 If you've a blockage which is causing circulatory problems, 430 00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,033 it can be very serious. 431 00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:55,589 Not long ago' we'd have had to amputate. 432 00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:59,355 But nowadays we can offer a less drastic alternative. 433 00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:02,716 Good for you! 434 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:04,751 Lie an the couch and let's have a look at you. 435 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:08,957 Right. 436 00:36:10,240 --> 00:36:12,629 Dr Bradley. 437 00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:15,519 I don't believe he's referred a patient to us before. 438 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,154 Well' he certainly seemed to know all about you. 439 00:36:18,240 --> 00:36:21,198 He said you were way ahead of the rest of the field. 440 00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:24,073 Your GP, is he? 441 00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,231 YES. 442 00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:30,518 He's also medical correspondent on the... newspaper that I work for. 443 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:32,551 Diagnosis by proxy? I'm not sure I approve of that. 444 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:36,110 Oh, he doesn't give instant answers. If somebody has a specific problem, 445 00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:40,353 - he tells them to go to their own doctor. - Sensible fellow. Could you stand up, please? 446 00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:41,510 YES. 447 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:49,829 That hurt? 448 00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:51,274 YES. 449 00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:54,397 - What about that? - Ouch! 450 00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:58,310 We'll have to take some tests, Miss Cairns. 451 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,152 How soon could you come in? 452 00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:05,993 How soon could you take me? 453 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:08,154 Tonight? 454 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:36,718 Unexpected guest, eh? 455 00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:40,953 What are you after, my dear? 456 00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:42,713 The silver? 457 00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:47,191 No. 458 00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,149 No, I... 459 00:44:50,240 --> 00:44:53,392 I was just driving past and I happened to see the house. 460 00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:57,670 I have this thing about English country houses. 461 00:44:57,760 --> 00:44:59,717 So you thought you'd pay us a visit? 462 00:44:59,880 --> 00:45:02,872 How nice. Are you hungry? 463 00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:07,074 - Well, I... - Crenshaw, 464 00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:09,800 - set another place for dinner. - Yes, sir. 465 00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:17,509 May I know your name? 466 00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:20,240 Cairns. 467 00:45:20,720 --> 00:45:22,393 Ruth Cairns. 468 00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:24,193 I'm Humphrey Chesterton. 469 00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:27,318 Come and meet the others. 470 00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:38,918 Ruth Cairns, everyone. 471 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,514 An old friend who just happened to be passing. 472 00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:44,876 This is Peter Atkins, Joan Hubbard, 473 00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:47,793 Luciano Rossi from Italy, 474 00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:49,959 Angela Rook, 475 00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:52,311 Mr Lim from Hong Kong... 476 00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:54,674 ...and Jack Rothwell. 477 00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:57,195 Good evening, Miss Cairns. 478 00:45:57,280 --> 00:46:01,558 That gammy leg of yours doesn't prevent you from using the clutch pedal, I see. 479 00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:03,677 She's staying to dinner? 480 00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,637 Why not? We've more than enough to go round. 481 00:46:05,720 --> 00:46:07,154 But, Humphrey! 482 00:46:07,240 --> 00:46:08,674 She's staying, Luciano. 483 00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:11,352 Of course. 484 00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:14,632 Glass of champagne, my dear? 485 00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:17,280 It's a particularly fine vintage. 486 00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:20,512 Thank you. 487 00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:37,153 Bit frightening, aren't they? 488 00:46:37,240 --> 00:46:40,312 When I first came, I was absolutely petrified. 489 00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:44,274 But they're not a bad mt, really. Not when you get to know them. 490 00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:46,510 Are you a friend of Sir Humphrey's? 491 00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:48,193 I know what you're thinking. 492 00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:52,319 You're thinking, "What's that common-looking woman doing in a posh ''ouse like this?" 493 00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:54,118 No, I wasn't, I assure you. I was... 494 00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:57,192 Of course you were. It's all right, love. 495 00:46:57,280 --> 00:47:00,432 I still can't believe it myself after all this time. 496 00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:06,192 Joan 'Ubbard from Bolton 'obnobbing with the gentry. 497 00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:09,671 Do you know, I still have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. 498 00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:12,559 Here we are, my dear. Your very good health. 499 00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:14,953 Cheers. 500 00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:16,838 Would you excuse me? 501 00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:20,520 Ooh, he's a good 'cast, isn't he? 502 00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:22,830 Such perfect manners. 503 00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:24,877 Oh' and attractive, too. 504 00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:26,712 A rich, handsome widower. 505 00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:28,751 Ooh, he'd make a grand catch, wouldn't he? 506 00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:32,799 - How long have you known him? - Humphrey? Oh, just over a year. 507 00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:34,837 - How did you meet? - On a plane. 508 00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:36,672 Well' that's how we all met. 509 00:47:36,720 --> 00:47:40,111 Oh. What, you mean you were all on the same flight? 510 00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:41,793 YES. 511 00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:44,998 Yes. From London to Marrakesh. 512 00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:46,990 Oh... 513 00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:51,435 Marrakesh... You mean the one that... 514 00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:54,512 Crashed in the Atlas mountains. Yes. 515 00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:56,352 'New me (my survivors. 516 00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:01,919 - So this is a sort of reunion? - That's right, yes. 517 00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:03,320 'NE! REM ONCE 3 NON“. 518 00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:06,358 This is our 13th. 519 00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,596 But why? 520 00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:11,798 I'd have thought it was an experience that you'd rather forget. 521 00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:15,511 We like to remember the others. 522 00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:18,751 The passengers what died. 523 00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:20,751 My ''usband, for one. 524 00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:23,639 We were sitting right next to each other, 525 00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:26,718 and yet all I got were a couple of bruises. 526 00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:29,269 You were lucky. 527 00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:32,079 How long was it before they found you? Two weeks? 528 00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:34,155 Two and a half. 529 00:48:35,560 --> 00:48:36,709 Amazing. 530 00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:38,957 Well, the papers said it was a miracle. 531 00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:42,078 The search parties had given up nope of finding anyone alive. 532 00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:44,197 They shouldn't have done. 533 00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:47,671 It's extraordinary how canny people can be when they're up against it. 534 00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:49,995 Hm'? 535 00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:53,078 The things they can bring themselves to do. 536 00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:05,430 Ladies and gentlemen, dinner is served. 537 00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:14,311 Sorry to hear about your wife, Luciano. 538 00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:17,153 Still, she went quickly. That must have been a blessing. 539 00:49:17,240 --> 00:49:21,518 It was. She was in great pain. if she'd lived, it would only have prolonged the suffering. 540 00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:23,796 Yes' when I lost my poor dear Penelope, 541 00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:27,271 it was some consolation that her death was instantaneous. 542 00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:28,873 What happened to her'? 543 00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:34,000 A riding accident. We have a great black mare called Thundercloud. 544 00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:35,912 Moody beast. Unpredictable. 545 00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:38,071 Penelope thought she could control her. 546 00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:39,594 Turned out she could 547 00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:42,718 Have you thought of marrying again, Humphrey? 548 00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:45,155 I've thought of it. You know how it is. 549 00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:48,273 At my age one gets rather set in one's ways. 550 00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:50,954 Difficult to find a woman who's prepared to adapt. 551 00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:54,755 How about you, Ruth'? Are you married? 552 00:49:55,880 --> 00:49:56,870 No. 553 00:49:57,640 --> 00:50:00,280 No, I... I'm a workaholic. 554 00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:03,512 Difficult to find a man who's prepared to adapt 555 00:50:06,120 --> 00:50:07,997 Perhaps you and Humphrey should get together. 556 00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:11,960 - I doubt if our tastes would coincide. - Why do you say that? 557 00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:15,520 Well, I-l mean, you don't even know me at all. 558 00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:19,594 True. But with such an age gap between us, 559 00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:22,035 I think there might also be a credibility gap. 560 00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:24,833 I'm a creature of habit, my dear, 561 00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:29,278 and you might find some of my habits a little eccentric. 562 00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:32,671 I'm sure she'd come to share them, Humphrey. 563 00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:34,239 In time. 564 00:50:34,320 --> 00:50:36,880 I doubt it. I doubt if anyone could share them 565 00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:40,316 who hasn't had to make a virtue of necessity. 566 00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:42,437 Crenshaw. 567 00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:46,317 I believe we're ready for the main course. 568 00:50:46,400 --> 00:50:47,879 Yes, sir. 569 00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:23,711 No! 570 00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:26,752 Something the matter, my dear? 571 00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:28,749 Er... 572 00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:30,879 I know who's under there! 573 00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:34,873 Oh! I think you're all disgusting! 574 00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:40,832 Is it wise to let her run off? 575 00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:43,560 If she doesn't want to stay, that's her funeral. 576 00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:47,752 By the way, I hope you can all stay the night, 577 00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:52,516 because tomorrow I think I can promise you a very special meal. 578 00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:15,511 Andrew! 579 00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:18,797 Andrew! 580 00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:42,880 It's no use, I'm afraid. 581 00:52:45,720 --> 00:52:46,710 You! 582 00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:58,239 YES. 583 00:52:58,280 --> 00:52:59,714 I was on that plane as well.